Overview
Developing a romantic relationship is not easy. However, once you are in the relationship, maintaining healthy boundaries and being able to make decisions for yourself is essential to your safety and well-being. In this video, Ruth Darlene, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, known as Women of Silicon Valley. provides an overview of controlling behavior from our significant others. Ruth provides examples of how to recognize early signs that can lead to a long-term relationship dominated by abuse and coercive control.
Condescending, demeaning, and self-centered behavior are early indicators of potential abuse that many high school and college women overlook. It’s a gradual process in which the abuser puts up restrictions and demands to maintain control over most aspects of the relationship. An obsessive level of control may evolve into a pattern of covert abuse and coercive control.
Ruth uses a story to convey three personality types who demonstrate early patterns of controlling behavior and how to validate unintentional offenses versus behavior that is likely to become abusive over time. Three classes on addressing abusive behavior from an intimate partner on in development and will be available during Q1 and Q2 of 2023.
The topics addressed in this interview are:
- 00:00 Intro to early coercive control patterns
- 02:38 New training in addressing coercive control
- 03:01 Early signs of coercive behavior
- 05:38 The behavior of the covert abuser
- 06:38 the role of women allies
- 08:07 Finding a source of income
- 08:18 Finding a source of income
- 09:55 What type of person is not a fit for the WomenSV program?
- 09:55 The litmus test to define coercive control
- 11:01 The journey to freedom
- 12:35 Technology Issues, cell phones, etc.
- 13:29 Ruth’s personal story
- 14:02 Understanding a partner’s core values
- 15:55 Content in the training curriculum
- 16:49 Follow-up information about WomenSV.org
Legal Remedies for Coercive Abuse
(a) The court may issue an ex parte order enjoining a party from molesting, attacking, striking, stalking, threatening, sexually assaulting, battering, credibly impersonating as described in Section 528.5 of the Penal Code, falsely personating as described in Section 529 of the Penal Code, harassing, telephoning, including, but not limited to, making annoying telephone calls as described in Section 653m of the Penal Code, destroying personal property, contacting, either directly or indirectly, by mail or otherwise, coming within a specified distance of, or disturbing the peace of the other party, and, in the discretion of the court, on a showing of good cause, of other named family or household members.(b) On a showing of good cause, the court may include in a protective order a grant to the petitioner of the exclusive care, possession, or control of any animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by either the petitioner or the respondent or a minor child residing in the residence or household of either the petitioner or the respondent. The court may order the respondent to stay away from the animal and forbid the respondent from taking, transferring, encumbering, concealing, molesting, attacking, striking, threatening, harming, or otherwise disposing of the animal.
(c) As used in this subdivision (a), “disturbing the peace of the other party” refers to conduct that, based on the totality of the circumstances, destroys the mental or emotional calm of the other party. This conduct may be committed directly or indirectly, including through the use of a third party, and by any method or through any means including, but not limited to, telephone, online accounts, text messages, internet-connected devices, or other electronic technologies. This conduct includes, but is not limited to, coercive control, which is a pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty. Examples of coercive control include, but are not limited to, unreasonably engaging in any of the following:
(1) Isolating the other party from friends, relatives, or other sources of support.
(2) Depriving the other party of basic necessities.
(3) Controlling, regulating, or monitoring the other party’s movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources, or access to services.
(4) Compelling the other party by force, threat of force, or intimidation, including threats based on actual or suspected immigration status, to engage in conduct from which the other party has a right to abstain or to abstain from conduct in which the other party has a right to engage.
(5) Engaging in reproductive coercion, which consists of control over the reproductive autonomy of another through force, threat of force, or intimidation, and may include, but is not limited to, unreasonably pressuring the other party to become pregnant, deliberately interfering with contraception use or access to reproductive health information, or using coercive tactics to control, or attempt to control, pregnancy outcomes.
(d) This section does not limit any remedies available under this act or any other provision of law.
(Amended by Stats. 2021, Ch. 135, Sec. 1. (SB 374) Effective January 1, 2022.)
